The Fight

When I was 14 years old, I was spending a lot of time with the wrong group of girls. I remember there was a period of about two weeks where it seemed I managed to get on the wrong side of a lot of them. All through innocent, naive actions resulting in situations where these girls would beat me up in a heartbeat.

I won't get into all the details. Those are stories for another day. Today I will tell you about the day it all ended.

It was about three weeks before school let out for the summer. I remember hoping I could just make it through the next few weeks and it would all be done. You see, it was the end of 8th grade, which meant the end of middle school. Many of these girls would be going to a different high school and I would never have to see them again.

I remember waking up that morning and being immediately overwhelmed with a sense of dread. I knew something terrible was going to happen to me that day. My immediate response to that feeling? I prayed. Before I even opened my eyes that morning, I prayed. "Jesus, I don't know what is in store for me today, but whatever it is please protect me."

At that time in my life, I had clung to the following scripture:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5, 6 KJV)

That day, I lived it. I committed my life into His hands, no matter what was in store. I had complete faith in His victory.

I opened my eyes, got out of bed, and proceeded with my day as usual. All with a strange sense of peace. You see, I didn't believe the terrible thing wouldn't happen after praying. In fact, I knew it would. The peace came from knowing whatever it was, Jesus would handle it. And handle it He did.

At lunch I was sitting in the field with a few of my friends. We were all sitting cross legged in a circle. Along comes "Jane" (I won't use her real name) and a few of her friends. She's out for a fight and I'm her target. I don't recall what I had done to set her off. But there she was standing above me throwing all kinds of words at me.

And there I sat, calm and quiet, responding only when asked a direct question, which usually warranted nothing more than a simple yes or no. After a few minutes of insults and accusations, she told me to stand up. So I did.

Jane was a little girl with a big attitude. She was a good 6 inches shorter than me, and I was short myself. Though I had never thrown a punch in my life, I was sure I could take her. But I was not in control.

You see, I had placed complete trust in Jesus and committed my life and my body to Him for that day. As I stood there, the center of it all, I felt just like any other person in the crowd gathering around us. I was just another spectator, watching Jane attack Terri. Jesus had stepped in and taken control of my body. It was the most surreal experience of my life. I was standing there looking at myself!

As Jane hurled insults and accusations at me I remember thinking of clever responses and insults of my own to throw back.

But it wasn't my fight.

This went on for the entire lunch period, maybe 20 minutes. The 10 min bell rang and she was still talking. I knew if I walked away nothing would be resolved. She would come after me again another day. By now most of the students had gathered around.

Finally she took a swing. All in one seamless motion her fist hit my nose and I turned and walked away. The crowd parted, looking at me in bewilderment. It was done.

I remember one friend running up after me.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes I'm fine". My eyes were watering because she had hit my nose wearing a large ring.

"Why didn't you hit her back?"

"Because I had no reason to"

"No reason?! She hit you!"

You see, Jane's attack on me had nothing to do with me. I was just an easy target for her to go after. She had a hard life and the only way she knew how to deal with it was to fight. To put on a big show. She knew I wouldn't hit her back (in fact that was one of the questions she had asked me - "if I hit you right now you wouldn't hit me back would you?"). She was trying to make me out to be a coward.

Jesus is no coward.

I never saw Jane again. Her mother had told her if she got in one more fight she would have to change schools. Three weeks left of middle school and she had to change schools.

God has put this testimony on my heart these last few weeks. I kept asking myself why I am no longer able to let Him take that kind of control over my life anymore? As I write this I realize its because I take it all personally.

It's not my fight. It's God's.

Satan's attacks on me have nothing to do with me. And everything to do with trying to make himself look powerful.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. (Ephesians 6:12, 13 ESV)

Jesus, I don't know what's in store for me today. Whatever it is, I trust you. I commit my body, mind, heart, and soul to you. Clothe me in your armor. May I be nothing but a spectator as you control the fight. And when the fight is over, may your adversary never be seen again.

Amen.